and I cannot stop, jeff is on the phone w his cousin. how fucking pathetic am I. I cant keep a job, I cant pay for shit, I cant b happy for others. I might as well droo of a cliff.
Mother of two, wife of one, daughter no.3, friend to many or none at all, trying to redefine oneself.
Monday, November 21, 2011
upset and mad
im upset and mad bc a really stupid thing. im not jealous but mad at the world. jeffs cousin has gotten every job he has ever had via a friend, he even got two thru jeff. well he gets this job gets a raise, now he and his wife are looking for a house. we cant keep ours, we cant find a job, we cant pay for a thing for xmas. im just feel like why not us why can we not have some good thing happen to us. no it doesnt work that way. we get a broken windshield, need new tires, have to move in w my,parents. im trying to stay positive so to not make this holiday season a gloomy one.
Friday, November 11, 2011
feeling shitty
well thats to say the least. I am having a case of sorries for myself. its pathetic I know but I think its something that everyone goes thru. my life is turning out to b not what I wanted. I wanted to b smart and strong. not be part of the "99%" not that I wanted to b the 1%. I mean bitch and moan. I am finding it very hard to find the motivation to keep fighting for what.
we will b moving in w my rents soon, something I do not want to do,but must to stay alive. 6 people in that house is going to tough, I am asking that they must give up on their lifes and deal w our crap. its not fair to them. I know they r looking forward to seeing the girls everyday but how do u put household together. someone has to give up a memory.
my girls but were brought home to this house, the learned to walk crawk etc here. now I have to give it to the bank so they can let it go to ruins. how does that work. whatever.
I try to stay positive but its getting harder.