The American Dream

The American Dream does it even exsist anymore? Alot of people have been asking that lately. With the economy sucking, the political parties at each other throats and what not. But do I believe anymore....

Im finding that harder and hard to find lately. I am in the midst of a foreclosure. Moved back into my parents with my children and husband. Neither my husband or I can find a job. And it just seems like it keeps getting worse.

Last year I applied for at least 100 jobs and I only had two interviews. I did have an interview on 2nd of the new year. Oh it went well, so well he was like this job is totally yours, I just want to interview the others for fun. No call, no email. Nothing. Why lead me on, just state I have four others to interview and I will contact the best one, b.s. Don't lead me on. Shit I have no hope.

The HOPE is gone. I cant even remember what it looked like. I think I had dreams of doing this and that, but I can't remember. My dream the great American DREAM, what is that?!?

My father came here from England 40yrs ago to find that dream. He may have not become Steve Jobs, but he did better than his parents. My mother came here when she was 5 yrs old from Puerto Rico, she did better than her parents. And all I have to show for it, is that I am living with them.

How do I tell or teach my children to believe in something I cant even believe in. Its a whole other world out there. People are unemployed, protesting, stealing, killing. Losing their minds and money to just have it taken from them.

I know I should not complain, I am better off than some, but hey each person has the right...to believe in something.

In the year 2012

In the year 2012 I would like to accomplish the following things.....

1. Find the inner strength to not be afraid to try my hand at my crafts. BC really if I fail at least I could say I tried.

2. Make sure my lil family transistions as well as anyone does from losing the only house they have lived in. To having to move in with their grandparents.

3. To work at my marriage, this has been a very trying past year for us. We have never once said lets end it then, but we have gotten so frustrated with each other I am afraid it might start coming down to saying it just to hurt each other.

4. This should probably be no. 1 but, it cannot be, I tried that once and I was miserable. Find a job that affords me the ability to still have time with my family.

5. Be a better friend. I think I suck at it really bad. I need to start calling, hanging out with friends more often. I just don't do it bc I feel like such a pathetic loser and do not want to burden them with my shit.

6. Live life geninunly. I take for granted alot of the moments that are great, and turn them into shit. I have to learn to be happy and not so miserable all the time.

7. To learn the secret.

8. To use my blog more often to get things off my chest and mind. I bottle things up so often that it explodes. And it never feels better afterwards.

So as of right now I am going to start working on these things. I hope to keep to them.

this sux

well we have started the move...we have the kids clothes and dresser here. I have cried at every moment. and my father is already driving me insane.

this sux

well we have started the move...we have the kids clothes and dresser here. I have cried at every moment. and my father is already driving me insane.

now I am just crying

and I cannot stop, jeff is on the phone w his cousin. how fucking pathetic am I. I cant keep a job, I cant pay for shit, I cant b happy for others. I might as well droo of a cliff.

upset and mad

im upset and mad bc a really stupid thing. im not jealous but mad at the world. jeffs cousin has gotten every job he has ever had via a friend, he even got two thru jeff. well he gets this job gets a raise, now he and his wife are looking for a house. we cant keep ours, we cant find a job, we cant pay for a thing for xmas. im just feel like why not us why can we not have some good thing happen to us. no it doesnt work that way. we get a broken windshield, need new tires, have to move in w my,parents. im trying to stay positive so to not make this holiday season a gloomy one.

feeling shitty

well thats to say the least. I am having a case of sorries for myself. its pathetic I know but I think its something that everyone goes thru. my life is turning out to b not what I wanted. I wanted to b smart and strong. not be part of the "99%" not that I wanted to b the 1%. I mean bitch and moan. I am finding it very hard to find the motivation to keep fighting for what.
we will b moving in w my rents soon, something I do not want to do,but must to stay alive. 6 people in that house is going to tough, I am asking that they must give up on their lifes and deal w our crap. its not fair to them. I know they r looking forward to seeing the girls everyday but how do u put household together. someone has to give up a memory.
my girls but were brought home to this house, the learned to walk crawk etc here. now I have to give it to the bank so they can let it go to ruins. how does that work. whatever.
I try to stay positive but its getting harder.