now I am just crying

and I cannot stop, jeff is on the phone w his cousin. how fucking pathetic am I. I cant keep a job, I cant pay for shit, I cant b happy for others. I might as well droo of a cliff.

upset and mad

im upset and mad bc a really stupid thing. im not jealous but mad at the world. jeffs cousin has gotten every job he has ever had via a friend, he even got two thru jeff. well he gets this job gets a raise, now he and his wife are looking for a house. we cant keep ours, we cant find a job, we cant pay for a thing for xmas. im just feel like why not us why can we not have some good thing happen to us. no it doesnt work that way. we get a broken windshield, need new tires, have to move in w my,parents. im trying to stay positive so to not make this holiday season a gloomy one.

feeling shitty

well thats to say the least. I am having a case of sorries for myself. its pathetic I know but I think its something that everyone goes thru. my life is turning out to b not what I wanted. I wanted to b smart and strong. not be part of the "99%" not that I wanted to b the 1%. I mean bitch and moan. I am finding it very hard to find the motivation to keep fighting for what.
we will b moving in w my rents soon, something I do not want to do,but must to stay alive. 6 people in that house is going to tough, I am asking that they must give up on their lifes and deal w our crap. its not fair to them. I know they r looking forward to seeing the girls everyday but how do u put household together. someone has to give up a memory.
my girls but were brought home to this house, the learned to walk crawk etc here. now I have to give it to the bank so they can let it go to ruins. how does that work. whatever.
I try to stay positive but its getting harder.

Trying to stay positive but

its not workimg anymore. workers comp denied again. I am so devastated. I really dont have words for how I feel.

I kinda just feel like giving up, why bother really, I have no reason for all this fighting, its the big bad gvmt. u cant win a war that only has u as the enemy.

Bullshit that is known as unorganization

Well today Elizabeth and Amelia begged to have grandpa pick them up from school. So we obliged them. One less trip for us today. Well that was a bad idea, or maybe it was not.

Elizabeth got home crying that she had girl scouts today. Well I never recvd a note home, but low and behold it was in her folder. Stating that it was today after school. Well guess what we are not at school. What kinda crap is that.

So I call the Girl Scout leader of the school and she calls me back and says that the notes should have gone home yesterday. and there is only one other girl in KG that is in GS. Well it does not matter bc that girl stays for aftercare, so she will go to the meeting.

Now the problem is my little girl is so upset, she is crying and telling me that I broke a promise to her. And that I am a lie. And that she does not want me near her. This breaks my heart. BC I did promise her G.S. Yes I know she will have a meeting next month, but this was the first meet. Its really not hard to get this shit out maybe three days earlier. What am I talking about, she just got the stuff last Thursday to sell magazines, and the money has to be in by the 24th. Luckily she got two magazines bought from family.

I just feel so bad for her. This is something that we deal with all the time. The school has no organization. Its ppwk on top of ppwrk always grammatically wrong, times and dates wrong. Its enough to make me what to send them to my shitty public schools in Midlothian.

Trying to find the inspiration per say

I am having a hard time finding the inspiration or guts to start and Etsy page. I am so damn afraid, basically bc why would anyone want to buy my items. OR for that fact of the matter how do I price it so that people will BUY it.

I have a couple of wreaths that I have completed and have looked at others on Etsy, and I do not think I am over pricing but what the heck why would anyone want my stuff.

We have been both been working on things together. Jeff is very good at jewelry design. It all started was when he got laid off and had the girls for the summer, so he took them to the craft store and got some beads to make necklaces.

I am working on sewing, I am currently in the process of several projects.
1. Sports quilt  for my cousin in FL
2. Amelia's Rapunzel Costume ( she told me the other day she wants to be a vampire instead. Not going to happen)
3. Retro fit my Snow White costume from 1987 for Elizabeth. And just for the bragging of it. My mom made that costume for me and I won the costume contest that year.

Here are some pics of my wreaths that I have recently completed.

Working long and lifting heavy

Well for a couple weeks I have been helping my SIS company deliver films to the theaters. Let me tell u its not easy. We get up to somewhere near gurnee to p u the films about noon. Have to load them on truck or van depending on amt of films delivered. Then en route to gurnee fox lake Skokie niles glenview norridge galewood 600 n Michigan lawndale cicero oak park lagrange Ford city. We end the nite bout 12 am.
And let me tell u some of the movies r heavy. Especially harry potter I'm glad he's deadish. We also pu movies. The other nite I p u 17 from one theater. Well really 21 bc transformer is a box a canister and super 8 is two canisters.
This week we had to got michiwauka Indiana... For those who have no idea where that is at near notre dame univ.  We for home around 3 am.
I like to work but the girls don't want me to work bc they say I'm not mommy then. It breaks my heart to hear that. It was really the main reason I quit that horrible job, I gave and gave and all I got was shit on. It was not worth it, to have my girls b upset.
That it right now.