Learning to let go.

My lesson for myself right now is to try to let go of things. Sometimes people or things hurt you, and by holding that grudge or what not it hurts you more. That being sad some people or things are harder to forgive. 
How does one forgive a douche-bag who punches you in the face, or the family that disregards that action? Or how do you forgive siblings when they do and take things from you that can never repair the relationship that is already rocky? 
With friends that were good friends but did something cross and you never bothered to speak to them about it? 
Children that misbehave and you forget that they are only children?
When in anger your husband say awe full things, that cannot be forgotten?

I am not sure when and if I ever get there, maybe for some but not all. I am not perfect, I am sure I have hurt others. Wait I know I have. And I hope those I have hurt can or have forgiven me. 

I am at this stage in my life I want lasting friendships and relationships with family members. I do not want all the drama that goes with it. I don't want to feel like I am the only one putting forth effort and get nothing in return. My high school days are over. I am not here to win the popularity contest(not that I would have won it h.s.). Friends should call each other, offer support, be willing to move heaven and earth for each other if they love having that person in their life. 

I have one lifetime friend leaving my life right now because she is moving away. It was hard to find the time between our very different schedules to see each other here. Now add distance to the equation, I can only hope and will do my damnedest to keep this friendship going. 

While she leaves, I have a new friend entering my life. And I feel so blessed to have her, because I know that we will be life friends. And its a shame we did not know each other in h.s. even though we went to h.s. together.  But sometimes things happen for reasons. 

As the quote above says"...destroy your heart" I do not need any of that poison in my life. I need cures of the heart. 

It's getting hard around here

Things have been said in the last two weeks that can never be taken back or forgotten. I can never forget that my parents believe that i am an idiot for marrying my husband or having children. Oh thanks so basically ur saying I don't like either. Or that everyone in my life hates me and really just talks to me just to be nice. Otherwise I don't have any friends and that my family hates me.

My husband is an asshole who could not provide for his family and that is why we r in this situation. He is ungrateful and it must b the reason his own family doesn't like him. My children are little assholes who r ungratefull and have no respect for anyone. Well maybe it's because when we displine them you come behind them and tell them the opposite.

I have cleaned in this house, we redid the kitchen, painted and other things and have not gotten a thank you but have gotten shit about how we r losers who do nothing but sleep and take and take. They must be confusing me with my sister.

Maybe The Lord send things to you

A few things happened this week that seems that maybe god was try or somebody is try to lead in me. First the lovely but sometimes cranky man I help care for who I have know for almost thirty years is slowly passing away. I though maybe he might like to say some this to his kids and others that he would like me to write down. I mentioned this to his daughter who I talk to at least two to three times a week.
Well last nite while visiting him he said he wanted to write some things down etc and she said that I was willing to help him and like the idea.  Things happen for reason sometime you put things into the universe and they get heard and they get answered.

Now the second thing is something I have wrestled for quite some time. I had a friend she did bad by me. I never really forgave her for it,but she has been seeking it from me the last couple of years. I have tried to find it in my heart. Unable to I have let it just slide to the back of my mind. Yesterday while drive my mother home from the doctors we were talking about her. I said I can forgive the action that she I'd it but the betrayal. And low and behold today she was calling me again asking for lunch. God says we should forgive, and I have heard this over and over recently at church.

So maybe I will have lunch with her, maybe I should follow the cosmic signs. Everything has reaction for every action. Should I look for the signs more often and start following them instead of ignoring them. It's something to ponder.