Cleaning, Cleaning and Cleaning!!!!

I decided or got a lil motivated by others to clean today. The girls were home sick today and thought that if they were doing something to get their blood moving that maybe just maybe it would help get their fevers to break finally. Well I did most of the cleaning. Not a big deal, but it allowed me to get rid of alot of their toys they no longer play with. But it also brought up all of these memories of them being babies.

I have had a hard time getting rid of their baby toys. I keep certain outfits but either gave their clothes away or donated them w/o heart strings being pulled. But for some reason I have not been able to get rid of their toys.  I think it is because I am worried that we will end up having another kid. I know I don't want another or at least that is what I think. I still have all the car seats, strollers, two cribs, toys, etc. Its taking over everything.

I have tons of stuff in our bedroom that is theirs, and its just sitting there collecting dust. I want a sanctuary in my room, where I can relax and read a book, fall asleep easily, enjoy some time w the hubby. \\\

Getting Crafty!

I have had this urge to be crafty. I am one who wants to be crafty but what I usually want to make never turns out. It all started with my X-mas Wreath, it came out pretty good. Now I have tried my hand at a V-day wreath and I think it came out spectacular.

I have also started making the girls V-day treat bags. I am still in the process of what I like so it is still in the think tank process. But as far as everything is going I think it is turning out pretty good.

Christmas Wreath

Valentine's Day Wreath

V-day Cards for treat bags.

Maybe I can make a lil side business. who know. I just want to figure out what the Circuit thing is. A couple of my friends have it. But it seems so expensive.

my 5 year old kid b day party.

I have 14 days till it is my big girls 5th Birthday. I still remember being pregnant with her and not really believing I was going to be a mom. Now she is turning 5. And let me tell u she is being a lil diva. 

She asked for either a Twilight birthday or a Justin Bieber birthday party. Really u r only 5. Best yet is she wanted me to get a cake to take to school with Jacob with his shirt off. Is she out of her mind.  Yes, yes she is. This is all due to my sister who loves to watch that dumb movie series with her. I personally am a True Blood and she is not allowed to watch that. For good reason. 

We fight all the time she said really vamps sparkle and I saw no they have fangs and suck blood. Yes I know it is stupid to argue with 5 year old. 

As for her b-day party we are not having that until Feb 13 @ Oak Lawn Gymnastic center. The girls r in class there on Mondays. She absolutely loves it.  So it looks like I will be looking for Justin Bieber junk for the party.

Friends and what not...

I was thinking today while laying in bed listening to my husband snore...why oh why have I not killed him yet. J/K! But thinking is bad. Today I went to a water park with a friend from child hood w her kid and mine. We had fun, we did not miss a beat in conversation. Nothing really changed except having a kids and we were not watching Dawson's Creek. LOL!

But I am trying to figure out why I have so few friends. In this world of technology we are so connected to people but not. Take for instance FB. I have 171 friends. Really 171 friends, I don't think so. Yeah admittedly about 20 or so are Farmville friends, but none the less. If I really took stock would I call anyone on that list to hang out? If I did would we have good conversation? Do we have anything in common other than we both went to Maddock or Reavis?

I find it hard enough to want to have a conversation with my often sleeping husband. Is this a problem? Should I not have more friends. This past new year my husband gave me a surprise party and it was my family a whole 9 deep, two from Jeff's (just the right amount) and two friends. My friend invited my other friends and told me they could not make send their condolences,etc. And my response was yeah I did not think they would come so I would never have invited them. One of those friends I went to the water park today.

Have I just forgotten how to be a friend? Was I burned to many times? Should I just make the first step? What does one do?!

And as I think I realize the reason I don't really have a lot of friends or any is bc I have a hard time trusting. I had a friend in grammar school and we were thick as thief's. Well turns out she was a thief. She stole stuff from my family for months. In doing so it forever changed my relationship with my sister and still does to this day. My sister still insists on talking to the family. Mind you that u should not reflect on a whole family what one person does. But I think it is fair and safe to say the whole fucking family are thief's, liars and all together bad folk they do these things to each other. I can't stand she talks to them, what the fuck for.

Is this the root of all my problems? Would I change if I just found a way to forgive a betrayal? Can I forgive?  I have tried, but I can't erase how those things changed my dynamic as a person.

Maybe I am thinking too much into this. Or maybe this is just the first step in the right direction. And really this all comes up bc as I was talking to my mother about a kid I went to school with whose brother passed away, she asked me was I going to go to wake. And I automatically said no. No bc said thief's family would be there, bc the kid I went to school w is dating someone in the family. And also I would not feel it was my place.