I was thinking today while laying in bed listening to my husband snore...why oh why have I not killed him yet. J/K! But thinking is bad. Today I went to a water park with a friend from child hood w her kid and mine. We had fun, we did not miss a beat in conversation. Nothing really changed except having a kids and we were not watching Dawson's Creek. LOL!
But I am trying to figure out why I have so few friends. In this world of technology we are so connected to people but not. Take for instance FB. I have 171 friends. Really 171 friends, I don't think so. Yeah admittedly about 20 or so are Farmville friends, but none the less. If I really took stock would I call anyone on that list to hang out? If I did would we have good conversation? Do we have anything in common other than we both went to Maddock or Reavis?
I find it hard enough to want to have a conversation with my often sleeping husband. Is this a problem? Should I not have more friends. This past new year my husband gave me a surprise party and it was my family a whole 9 deep, two from Jeff's (just the right amount) and two friends. My friend invited my other friends and told me they could not make send their condolences,etc. And my response was yeah I did not think they would come so I would never have invited them. One of those friends I went to the water park today.
Have I just forgotten how to be a friend? Was I burned to many times? Should I just make the first step? What does one do?!
And as I think I realize the reason I don't really have a lot of friends or any is bc I have a hard time trusting. I had a friend in grammar school and we were thick as thief's. Well turns out she was a thief. She stole stuff from my family for months. In doing so it forever changed my relationship with my sister and still does to this day. My sister still insists on talking to the family. Mind you that u should not reflect on a whole family what one person does. But I think it is fair and safe to say the whole fucking family are thief's, liars and all together bad folk they do these things to each other. I can't stand she talks to them, what the fuck for.
Is this the root of all my problems? Would I change if I just found a way to forgive a betrayal? Can I forgive? I have tried, but I can't erase how those things changed my dynamic as a person.
Maybe I am thinking too much into this. Or maybe this is just the first step in the right direction. And really this all comes up bc as I was talking to my mother about a kid I went to school with whose brother passed away, she asked me was I going to go to wake. And I automatically said no. No bc said thief's family would be there, bc the kid I went to school w is dating someone in the family. And also I would not feel it was my place.
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